Moving to Wholeness Part 2

Hey everybody, welcome back to the Pastor Talk podcast.
Good to be back with you.
Thank you for joining us as we continue to walk through some thoughts on the Enneagram.
This is the second of a two-part podcast on moving toward wholeness.
So if you’ve not listened to the
first one, you may want to put this one on hold and pick up last week’s.
If you’ve already listened
to that, you’ll know that what we’re doing is by each type going through some practical ideas and
trying to move this Enneagram discussion from a kind of philosophical or psychological
conversation to what are some of the things that we can actually do?
What are some of the practices
that I can incorporate that will help me move toward wholeness,
help me push up against some
of the borders of my own limitations within my type and learn some new things.
And if you are joining us today,
we plan to get through the back half of the Enneagram.
So we’ll be looking
at types five through nine.
And Michael, start with type five.
Yeah, absolutely.
So type fives, you might remember, are those individuals who are known for their observant personality.
They’re the people for whom collecting all of this data matters.
And they try to,
at their worst, even hoard it to give them sort of an edge in what is a pretty complicated and scary world.
And so it makes sense that for someone whose primary orientation to the world is to be afraid of a threat,
that sort of existential threat that’s out there,
that their movement forward is to the
eight.
It’s that movement forward towards a place of courage and strength and willingness to put
themselves out there even if it’s not a comfortable situation.
And so that is sort of where we hone
in here as we start thinking about things that we can do to lean into wholeness.
I think the first
thing that you might want to be aware of is where are the moments in your life where that fear is
driving your decision making instead of your actual conscious choice.
And the tricky thing about this
is we’ve lived our entire life,
if you’re a five,
you’ve lived your entire life working on mechanisms
to surround yourself with safety of ways that you can observe from a distance so it doesn’t get
in you.
You’ve gotten good at separating between thinking and feeling.
So that first step might be
reflecting on how is it that I actually do feel and why do I feel that way.
And you can go from
that moment of reflection forward towards engaging not only your fears but beginning to
take practical actions forward to work on maybe some things you’ve been afraid of.
Yeah the great irony I think for fives is that they can study everything in in minute detail
and sometimes miss the bigger picture.
They can become so focused on possessing that next
thing whatever it is or going a mile deep in that one very small channel that sometimes they don’t
do a good job of looking beyond themselves.
So some some practical thoughts for a five.
If you’re a five and you’re thinking I’d like to to move toward growth what are some of the things I
could incorporate consider giving some stuff away.
You know fives have this tendency to want
to hoard.
It’s not that you’re a hoarder it’s that five’s natural approach to things is to kind of
put their arms around it and keep it close to the vest and so the reverse of that is opening the
hands and to give things away.
Maybe that’s knowledge, maybe that’s books.
If there’s something fairly important to you but not crucial to your life and you could bring yourself to offer that
to someone even if they just borrowed it that’s a that’s a big step for a five and it’s a it’s
a helpful step.
I think it’s a good movement for them.
The other thing fives it’s not that you’re
asocial or antisocial just fives live a lot of their life in their own thoughts in their own
mind so a helpful exercise for a five might be make a list of people you appreciate.
What do you admire about them?
Who do you consider your inner circle and contact them with appreciation.
Say you know I just was thinking the other day that you’re important to me you’ve been helpful to me and I
think that can be a good step for a five Michael.
I think another practice that a five might be able
to integrate into their life is autobiographical writing.
The idea of connecting with the whole of
your life experience and not just the experience that you’ve thought through.
So you might go back
and you might create a journal.
You might go and even just write reflections on different time
periods of your life or maybe significant moments that you would identify in your life and look at
them not just from the vantage of what you think about them or what you think you should have done
or evaluating them or observing in them for what you could learn but rather working more on the
narrative more on just describing what do I feel what happened what what was happening in that
relationship what does that mean for me what questions does it raise up and what places in
myself does it suggest that I should go and as you practice that kind of self-awareness I think
the five is going to find lots of off ramps into places of potential growth maybe that is even like
what you’re saying Clint maybe that will help you identify one of those things you need to give away
maybe there’s some item that has represented for you something that it’s time to let go of and and
it could help you uncover that another thing that you might want to work on as a five is recognizing
the limits of being human in other words none of us know everything we don’t have all the answers
to all the questions and for someone who studying and thinking and observing is of deep value
it’s natural then that the fives would just recognize and strive to be people who have all
the answers to all the questions it can be freeing to name for yourself and to intentionally
remind yourself I don’t have all the answers maybe someone else knows this better than I do
or maybe I need to consult someone else’s expertise here instead of getting it for myself
I might suggest that if you’re a five instead of you turning to google all the time all day long
so you can answer the question yourself maybe it’s better to pick up the phone to call a person
to connect with them to make sure that they know that they matter to you and that you want to have
that relationship and it also gives you an opportunity to practice being taught and admitting
to yourself and to others you don’t have all the answers yeah and then you know I think there are
some just very practical these are almost simple things that fives can do this isn’t advice we would
probably give very often but fives could sometimes benefit from purchasing something that they like
but that they don’t need it’s not a part of the collection say it’s an article of clothing you
pass a store window you see a shirt that you like fives struggle with spontaneity they need to think
things to death before they act on it typically so letting themselves have a few moments of of
impulse is not a bad thing for a five obviously there need to be some limits on that and you have
to be careful that you’re not going crazy you don’t want to do that in the casino and stuff like that
but for a five a spur of the moment decision can be a step forward that can be a helpful way to
kind of counteract that natural tendency to dig in and study things to death before you do them
another thing a simple thing fives tend to be pretty cerebral spend a lot of time in their
head so sometimes they don’t take the kind of care of their body that they should it’s not not
that all fives are out of shape or anything like that but if but a five doesn’t live a very earthy
kind of life so going for walks joining a gym taking a yoga class a five can benefit
tremendously from putting some some attention into their
their physical life and learning to listen to
the body outside of simply their thoughts and and that can be helpful to a five and then
maybe another simple thing that would be scary for a lot of fives not all fives are introverts
but fives tend to be cautious with relationships introduce yourself to someone you don’t know do
that in a safe place maybe church school but the idea of coming up to someone and saying hey i’m
clint i don’t think we’ve met before is a little risky for a five but can be really a good it can
be good practice good reward with that you’ve got to think that with this relationship that
five goes to eight you have someone whose tendency is to sit back to study and to think through all
of the possible ways a thing could go the eight if you’re going to simplify it oversimplify probably
the eight is someone who rushes into a situation who takes action and then thinks later and what
the five is going to experience as you practice that activeness is this feeling that you’re
overacting you’re gonna you’re gonna feel like that you’re being spontaneous to the nth degree
that you’re being irresponsible will be the way that it will feel and the point is to in slow degrees
practice small things like buying that thing or making that phone call or writing that journal
whatever the thing is practice the thing that is taking action that you will think through maybe
later because those small things which are going to feel huge to you are incremental steps on the
journey yeah i think that’s well said michael a five tends to enter the water a centimeter at a
time and so offsetting that with the eighth tendency to jump in with both feet before they
even looked it can be a nice place to find middle ground you don’t want to become an eight but to
incorporate some of that spontaneity some of that drive and directness can be really helpful four or
five i think another type that maybe finding that middle ground is an interesting balance is coming
up right next it’s type six going to type nine type six you’ve got that individual who is honestly
living a life that is very much filled with anxiety this idea that you’re surrounded by
a dangerous world and you need to choose your cohort carefully who are you going to bring with
you in the journey because those are the people who are going to keep you safe these people are
most often determined by what they perceive of as fear in the world and so moving to nine
this idea of an inner peace the nine who lives in the midst of this sort of calm laid-back temperament
is the exact thing that a six needs to find but there’s a large distance to travel there
from the life experience of a six towards the gift that the nine has to offer so what does that
movement from instability to stability look like from distrust to trust these are the practices
that the six should work on yeah and what the nine brings to that conversation is a sort of
stability an inherent rest and peacefulness at their best nines are are very
serene and the six tends to naturally lack some of that and so this is a really good partnership
and a really good opportunity for sixes to learn some of that that peacefulness peace is not a word
or a concept or reality really that comes naturally to a six so there are some things
they can do i think for six periods of quiet are important we’ve talked about that with other types
but regular prayer regular periods of meditation for a six to unplug from some of the what-if
scenarios that constantly run through their head or the worst case scenarios that they might face
and to just have some moments of stillness of solitude to let everything sort of
settle that that is a great first step for six and not something they generally do
very often or very instinctively yeah and then part of that silence might look like a kind of
centering prayer it might look like the six being willing to name some of those fears i think the
fears in our life tend to get bigger when we try to stuff them away when we try to just ignore them
that they don’t sort of just disappear in the darkness of our souls they actually gain strength
in that place so i think every six would do well to have that moment of silence to allow this
moment of peace and then in the midst of that this is going to feel like an activity that you’re
choosing which isn’t peaceful by the way to engage that but simply to name the fear so you’re in your
space you’re there and you say i recognize i’m afraid that i’m going to lose my job and all of
this is going to drop out from underneath me well name that fear say my fear is that i am living in
a life that i can’t trust that’s not stable that’s going to fall apart lord i name that that fear is
true and that act unto itself of naming the thing of calling it for what it is is submitting it
to christ and i think that sixes might find uh especially freeing yeah and i think to add to that
even to evaluate that fear for it’s um for how realistic it is i’m afraid this might happen
and then out beside that one through ten ten being very likely one being not very likely and
i think your typical six might find that a lot of the fears on their list are going to live on that
not very likely side of the scale which might allow them to step back to let go of some of them
a little more easily the other thing that sixes do really well is form allegiances you know six is
a loyalist they are the person that’s 100 committed to relationships to organizations
but sometimes the six gets either over committed or more typically they use those commitments and
connections as a kind of personal security blanket and so for a six to sit down and reflect on
who is it that i give authority in my life who do i trust what do i trust and and how did i get
there did did i get there through a process of decision making and reason or did i get there
emotionally because i was afraid and a six can really benefit from questioning some of the
allegiances in their life and evaluating them essentially based on how helpful they are right
another thing that might be helpful clint would be making a list of places where you’re stuck
because ironically in light of what you’re describing clint the six often is going to find
themselves in a situation where there’s a thing that matters to you but where you just can’t get
past the step where you’re at right now you see too many flaws ahead well what if this happens
and this happens and that happens and this all of these questions of structure all of these
questions of flaws that you can see so clearly keeps you from pursuing the things that matter
to you so evaluate those things honestly and graciously and recognize what is the worst thing
that happens if this fails and recognize that you do have agency so do the thing that you are called
to do and you can trust that um price is going to go with you as you do that i think one thing that
is sometimes helpful there’s a story about a relatively successful entrepreneur who is taking
some significant risks with the company pushing the company to move ahead and the entrepreneur
was talking about making that next choice and was afraid that this next choice was going to destroy
the foundation that everything was going to collapse and so as a practice for the next month
this individual slept on the floor they slept next to their bed on the floor and said i figured
the worst case scenario is i end up sleeping on the floor somewhere because the world collapses
and realistically i realized in a month it wasn’t so bad i think there’s some insight in there for a
six that the worst case scenario that you can imagine which is probably not going to happen by
the way that that is so far gone that realistically remember the one who’s with you christ who
promises to be with you it’s going to be with you regardless of where you find yourself even if
that’s sleeping in the floor it’s going to be okay yeah and so so two things in regards to that
michael i think that the six can benefit from maybe of all the groups from a kind of a mantra
sixes you you do well to find some scripture that speaks to you you know maybe the 23rd
psalm though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death or the dark valley which translation
you like i will fear no evil and and if you can find something that speaks calm to you
a scriptural passage a poem whatever it might be if you can commit that to memory and then in those
moments that you begin to feel anxious you have something to combat that you have something to push
that back that can be very helpful for six the other thing that a lot of sixes can benefit from
and we’re in a tough time to hear this advice right now i understand
but maybe of all the types media breaks just to give the the talking heads telling you bad news
on the computer or the tv give it a break start with a day maybe start with a half a day if a
day’s too difficult but um sixes you have to understand that you have a natural tendency
to focus on the bad news and so if if you can keep yourself from that if you can say you know
what i nothing’s going to happen in the world by noon today that i can that i can’t find out then
yeah and if you can go forward without some of that and and give yourself a break
because you you tend to that tends to land harder on you than it does the rest of us
can i make an addendum there clint absolutely i would add not only that but sixes should be very
wary of social media and this is why i say that it’s because social media delivers to you the stuff
that they think you will want to read and the sixth is temptation is going to be to create social
media profiles that just delivers bad news all day long so stay away from the places that are
delivering you the stuff that you’re tempted to read go to places that are going to give you the
stuff that’s going to be helpful for you and so in this current moment just an example instead of
getting your coronavirus news from facebook maybe you should get your coronavirus news from the cdc
because they’re going to be far more level-headed than the stuff rolling down your facebook feed
yeah and then and then practically as we’ve kind of said for all these types
you find the balance find the type that you move to maybe spend some time with them so if you know
a nine if you if you have in your circle somebody who seems pretty composed all the time pretty
peaceful if you have somebody who kind of embodies that sense of restfulness try to hang out with
them or at least in this time period get them on the phone facetime whatever that might be
but spend some time with people who don’t help you ramp up but help you go the other direction
i think then that brings us to type seven sevens who go to five you have this individual who’s
the outgoing the one who fills their life full of experiences the darkness of that is they may be
trying to push down some feelings and experiences they’ve had in the past and the way that they do
that is to thoughtfully create just busyness in their life and what we have is this person
who can go from that place of extreme busyness extreme activity to a person who moves to the
five which is composed thoughtful even to the point of inactivity at some point and you can find
that the sevens practices are ones that remove them from that continued cyclical move from this
thing to the next thing to the next thing to rather slowing down reflecting even in moments
of silence and reflection recognizing that there’s more going on under the surface than what you’re
historically been willing to engage and really any practice that we’re about to recommend
is for the purpose of connecting you to the deeper things underneath the surface yeah i
don’t know if you if you push me on in the corner on this i don’t know if i defend it but it feels
to me like sevens are going to in some ways be the most threatened by changes to their their
practice and what i mean by that michael is the seven is always about one step of the thing
they’re trying to run away from they’re they’re they’re constantly trying not to face the thing
behind them by jumping to the next thing and so for a seven to stop and pause and reflect is going
to be initially i think really frightening because it’s exactly the opposite of the mechanism they
developed to try and protect themselves and so slowing down for a seven reflecting for a seven
is is probably initially going to feel even terrifying in some cases i think that’s going
to be a difficult task but it’s one you can clearly see the move to five here makes total
sense sevens need to pause to face some of those things that they’re trying not to face they need
that the balance of spending a little time with their feelings with uh with some of those thoughts
that are hard for them to process and they can learn a lot from the fives in order to do that
a lot of the world sevens are struggling with the slowdown of flights international flights
around the world for the people who need to be climbing the next mountain this is a really tough
moment so if you find yourself in your house and you are doing crazy stuff or cooking food that
you’ve never heard of before and trying to redecorate entire rooms and just you find yourself
sort of caught up trying to find a way to keep adding stuff the the invitation of this moment
in so many ways is to pause so when we’re out of this moment that may look like you canceling
stuff in your calendar setting aside a day on your calendar that you’ve got rest but odds are you’ve
got more time today than you normally have so in the midst of that the question is will you set
aside 30 minutes today in which you’re going to sit down in a place and maybe that is the only
30 minutes of silence in your day but yet it’s intentional silence it’s as i sit here i’m willing
to practice what you might call contemplative prayer that may be a thing you want to look up
and do a little bit of research on or maybe it’s just you sitting there with a pen and paper and
every time a new thought comes into your mind that thought goes on the paper and you’re willing to
just offload what’s in here on here because that gives you an opportunity then to engage with it in
a deeper way instead of just pushing on and avoiding it yeah and i’m imagining the hardcore
seven out there michael thinking all 30 minutes i assure you 30 minutes is going to seem like a
monumental amount of time for a seven not to do something for the thought of sitting in a quiet
room without activity some of you may need to start five minutes with 10 minutes and i i imagine
them journaling and it starts off i was thinking about and then there’s a dog picture over here
and there’s a flower and a sun and down here there’s some doodles um sevens you’re going to
have to work hard to to stay on that track the benefit it offers you is to release some of that
fear of whatever you think is lurking in the surface under the surface so the journaling
piece can be really helpful what am i what am i afraid of you put that on the top of the paper
and that may start off with a kind of casual oh you know this could happen that can happen but
as you engage in that inner dialogue sevens you’re probably going to find some things
under the surface that begin to rise up and and by facing them you really free yourself
to take control over your activity rather than it driving you and you can then do some things
take a thing off your calendar look at your calendar and the the 20 things you thought you
were going to do today pick two of them that aren’t very important and schedule silent time
quiet time in there instead those are some practical kind of things that a seven could do
i think a seven could get a sticker or a wristband or really anything that is going to be part of
your daily life that’s going to remind you to not escape into fantasy but live in the actual moment
where you are this is especially true in moments of challenge of difficulty maybe it’s with your
boss at work maybe it’s with a family member but once emotion starts ramping up the seven starts
to feel that fear that things are going to get out of control and the temptation is to get away
and if you can’t physically get away then you get away in your mind and so really any sort of token
or physical thing that the seven can hold on to to keep them in the moment can be a powerful tool
to remind you no i don’t need to get away from this moment i’m safe in this moment i can trust
that christ is with me in this moment i have the strength i need for this moment and engaging in
that process will be one in which you can move towards wholeness yeah and the seven always has
to be mindful of when they seek to escape into fantasy so seven if you’re sitting there daydreaming
you know that that again is is your way of trying to avoid something so trying to be mindful of those
times sevens can also struggle to finish things are great at starting things sometimes they lack
the energy on the back end of things and so using a time like this to read a book and not
not a magazine not 10 small books not but to undertake a significant reading
project maybe one of the classics particularly one that will take you into some of the the major
themes of life you know loss and joy and tragedy and and triumph that that can be that could be a
good uh a guide could be a good guide for a seven yeah wherever you will be encouraged to engage
the reality of life to not hide from the stuff underneath and to bravely live into the thoughtful
reflection that the fives have is going to be great and i think we’ve named this but let’s just
building into that time some practice which encourages you to engage deeper than just the
surface stuff right now and to in the midst of that uh trust christ to lead you through because
like you said clint about 30 minutes really as you begin this engaging with that fear engaging
with that anxiety in just a little bit is going to feel like a lot and so begin that journey
slowly and you’ll grow into it as you go yeah and i think maybe just one last word sevens
try to listen to those moments when your emotions speak to you know one experience that many sevens
have is that they’ll find themselves overwhelmed at something that that doesn’t seem over they’ll
be watching a movie that isn’t sad and all of a sudden they’ll find themselves on the verge of
crying and they’ll think how did i get here and and that’s the right question if you’re a seven
and you’re feeling something that’s exactly the time to ask how did i get here and to spend a
little time with that instead of escaping it by planning the next thing so uh sevens
it’s not an easy road but but it’s worth it we keep making our journey around the integrand
that takes us to type eight type eight goes to type two as it moves towards wholeness and the
eight is the challenger the individual who seeks to rush in to make action happen to respond and to
in at their very best be defenders of those who need defended to uphold justice in a very
meaningful way of course the weakness of that for the eight is that sometimes they are struggle for
emotional vulnerability they struggle to see how they have to trust others along the journey that
they can’t be the only one who’s leading and contributing and so really these practices that
help the eight really become attuned to their inner life to recognize the soft spirit even maybe
the inner child who lives within them these are practices that will help and eight on their path
to wholeness yeah i think the eight does not do the inner life well instinctively the eight often
grows up with this sense of to be strong have to take care of myself have to be beyond
vulnerability don’t show weakness that kind of idea and so learning from the two is of course a
wonderful thing for an eight the idea of nurturing relationships treasuring relationships the idea of
vulnerability these these aren’t easy concepts for an eight but they are important and the
that relational approach to life is something from which eights can learn a lot would you say clint
that it’s fair that some eights could benefit greatly from having a partner in the journey
who they give explicit permission to to say hey eight you may be overreacting a little bit here
maybe not even overacting to the situation maybe that’s the right response but you may be at volume
10 when you should be at volume five that the interaction i just saw you have there was a little
more aggressive than needed to be had because the eight who doesn’t give that permission to others
is likely being more aggressive than they think they are when an eight says something they they
perceive that as just a thing said not as what others perceive as twice the volume of what was
intended i think eights are often surprised when people say you seemed really intense or you seemed
upset or you you i was a little uh a little put off by that or a little even scared by that for
the eight i think that’s surprising and so the idea that they give someone permission to say
hey keep me in check and someone who can tell them hey dial it down a little that’s yeah if
there’s someone you can trust to do that and if and if you can recognize that tendency in yourself
and hear someone tell you now the hard part is the eight is always going to want to push back
it no i’m not but if if you can learn that you do that and have somebody help you recognize it
you can grow from it another thing that the eight needs to work on is to identifying situations
that have gray and being willing to live in that gray as opposed to thinking that every situation
is a right or wrong the the stereotype of the eight is that they shoot first and ask questions
later and it’s good for the eight to ask questions before they shoot and sometimes that takes
awareness of what’s happening of what you’re feeling of why am i about to respond in this way
am i on the right side of this or should i be asking more questions that i’m asking
or going to the idea of the eight moving to two are there some relationships that i may be about
to damage by the action that i’m taking and should that inform what i do should i maybe not
run this person over maybe there’s another way to solve the problem yeah absolutely and like the
sevens eight benefit a great deal from reflection from meditation they they’ll hate it but
disconnecting from the idea of doing something and reflecting on what was done why did i do that
how did i feel while i was doing it what were the what were the outcomes of doing that
what happened relationally who do i trust these kind of questions just aren’t naturally a part
of an eight’s wheelhouse and so if they can sit down and reflect on those things it offers them
a chance to grow the other struggle for an eight at eight you just you just have to learn the hard
way you are not always right that the eight you you can be wrong and sometimes your way is not
the best way and you may have to tell yourself that a million times before you start to think
that it could possibly be true and you’ll you’ll be better off for doing that you know one of the
most difficult practices for an eight is going to be engaging with their feeling of vulnerability
or more rightly put probably the feeling of invulnerability that you can’t show weakness that
you can’t put yourself in a position where you might be hurt by others and the eight’s healing
practice the choosing what you’re going to do maybe to find a trusted friend partner a colleague
someone who you can be vulnerable with and to that person let them in on what is true for you
that this idea that there was maybe a childhood experience that made you feel exceptionally
vulnerable maybe it was a key critical turning point in your own life story where you felt like
an attack that was coming for you changed everything with every eight’s going to engage
that differently but the key here isn’t necessarily what happened the key is being
vulnerable to let someone else in because that forces you to recognize that other people can
be trusted and that that is actually a necessary part of responding in real relationships once
again the two lives in a world full of relationships everyone’s connected and needs to help each other
the eight needs to learn that they live as part of that ecosystem of help and support
and the only way to participate in it is to let down the guard and to let other people in
yeah i think maybe the only caution i would add to that michael would be that if you’re an eight
and you had an experience of of your childhood that was fairly good you probably anybody could
have that conversation with you if you had some rough moments in your childhood understand that
as an eight your natural tendency has been to lock those things away to chain that padlock it
build a fence around it and never deal with it and so if you think that there are some real moments
in in your past that are deeply painful this again this would be very hard for an eight to hear
that’s a conversation that may be best had with a professional therapist with a counselor with a
pastor because it’s likely that there’s more there than you recognize as we talked about
the eights have this kind of tendency to multiply everything by two that’s probably true of a
conversation like that and and you don’t want to drop your deepest darkest stuff on somebody
randomly who doesn’t know what to do with it so you it takes it would take a little self-awareness
for an eight to know when was the right time to involve the right person in that conversation
one way that you might get their eights journaling eights generally aren’t good at this but to write
down some things my experiences things i’m afraid of things that hurt me my sins this is a good one
for eight that’s a humbling one where are the places i fall short eights don’t admit that very
well so that can be a helpful exercise and what an eight needs to learn and begins to learn in
that is that emotion doesn’t make you weak and being strong is not the same as being unfeeling
eights often learn that lesson that in order to be invulnerable i need to be unfeeling and and what
happens is our emotions can become unavailable in those moments for eights and so beginning to
unlearn that’s going to be real important well i think that leads us to type nine and we reach
the top of the enneagram circle and as we make it to the nine we come to those individuals who
generally live in a world that they’re striving to make peaceful they’re trying to create peace
by making the people around them peaceful they’re trying to sort of create an atmosphere of peace
and so the temptation of the nine then is to be slothful to really just not have the energy to
bring to the world around them because they don’t have what they need to affect that change on all
of the people that surround them and so there’s a little bit of this this feeling that the nine has
that they don’t have enough and that that angers them that that builds up within them and so the
movement towards health for the nine is towards three towards the people who are obsessed with
efficiency but not in a negative way for the nine the nine just needs to find that they have agency
that they are a person who matters who’s valuable who should live beyond just making others happy
and should have their own thoughts and feelings and goals and that drive should drive them forward so
for the nine we’re really less interested in practices that help you find quiet and peace
though those are important and you should protect that in your life but rather moments that engage
the nine in thoughtful recognition of their own personhood of their own value and also practices
that systemically move them forward the three’s ability to think about efficiencies and systems
and doing better is the kind of thing that a nine needs to practice to move them beyond their
weaknesses yeah so nines naturally are going to be at best in neutral at worst in reverse
and and nines just need those moments of motivation where they put it in drive
and move forward a little bit to be able to act on their own behalf to be able to
set some goals and try to accomplish some things these are not things that come naturally or easily
to nines but they can borrow the three’s drive the three’s ambition and it helps them a great deal
so the place to start or one place to start for a nine is simply the question
what do i want in my life what are my goals and nines have probably not spent much time with that
question three’s have spent a great deal of time with it nines maybe have never thought of it
what do i want in my life and am i on a path to getting am i getting closer to it
am i any nearer to it than i was a year ago or two years ago or what would a path look like toward
where i want to go and these aren’t things that nines have probably done but they benefit from
doing them yeah another way to look at that clint is how is a nine keeping track of the
stuff that you are committed to do and for some nines that is writing your to-do list on a piece
of paper for other nines that’s going to be downloading a to-do app on your phone right now
and committing that the beginning of the day you’re going to write down the stuff that matters to
you this is the stuff that i need to do but here’s the temptation of the nine is to look at that list
throw it away and say all right i’m going to go clean the bed now and what the nine needs to do
is commit to the stuff that matters to you is the stuff you need to do so make a list of stuff
wherever you want to do it and then commit to do that list and not the other stuff because that
you put the stuff on the list that matters the other stuff can wait and i suspect that nines are
going to find that more difficult than it sounds yeah you could prioritize that list and then work
through it by priority because the the nine for whatever reason is going to want to do the the
least important stuff probably first and it just takes so much energy for them to get to the important stuff so
nines can can really be helpful with that kind they can really be helped by that
kind of accountability pattern or partner or software whatever it might be along with that
nines the other great irony lots of ironies for nines but one of them is for people who are not
naturally inclined to do things they struggle to say no that idea of peacekeeping and accommodating
people keeping others happy it is really tough for nines to say no on the fear that they’ll
disappoint someone or the fear that they just you know somebody be unhappy with them and so nines
it’s okay to say no and again maybe that starts on paper i i can do five things and i and when
i’ve got one through five now i’m going to say no to the sixth thing but a nine can really i think
michael grow by prioritizing tasks and being willing to recognize that they can’t do everything
so that they’ll give their best to the things that matter most yep and i think another thing
that a nine could journal and be aware of is what things are you incorporating in your life
or are you using in your life to sort of numb your experience that could be food that could be
television that could be alcohol that could really be any number of things but realistically the
nines temptation is to put their life in neutral is to just sort of sit back and to let things go
and i’ll tell you when home isolation and quarantine was proclaimed throughout the land
there was a silent shout of joy from all the nines there was this moment that said wait you’re
saying i have to stay in my house in my place of peace and comfort and i don’t want to make light
of the situation that we’re in which is serious but i do want to make clear that being alone in
your home or with a limited number of people is not the goal the goal is not to be isolated and
to sort of enjoy that peace which has now been afforded into this temporary moment but rather
to recognize that oh life that’s lived with agency and vitality in other words let me say
differently a life that you’ve chosen a life that you’ve committed to will have conflict anybody
who’s living life that is based on their values and meaning and stuff that really matters to them
they’re going to hit bumps along the road and so nines the goal is not to create peace make
everybody happy the goal is for you to become in touch with who you are and then feel the freedom
to live that out and what i’m trying to get to is to say that there’s going to be moments where you
create not peaceful situations and that means you’re doing something right yeah one of the
nines in my life said i’d be willing to quarantine all the time if they would let me you know that
that withdrawal that the nine is always tempted by so nines you you sometimes will give up your
opinion your voice to others and so one of the paths of growth for you is then to be honest
about your feeling what what do i really feel about this instead of just naturally adopting
the point of view of anyone around you to say no is that where i’m at on this issue or this idea
or is that do i agree with that and and the idea of confronting somebody with disagreement might
be too much at this point but write it down think about it later begin to interact with yourself
independently of what others think and you can really have an opportunity to grow in that and
then i don’t maybe this is flippant michael but i think and and not the time really for a nine to
do much of this but for nine i wonder if they could benefit from just stepping out you know
the nine’s tendency is to blend in and so putting themselves out there could be a real stretch for
a nine you know twos do that or i’m sorry threes do that naturally and then and a nine can learn
from that but maybe that’s karaoke maybe that’s being a church liturgist maybe it’s hosting a
small party but to put themselves in a little bit of a spotlight role i think can help a nine
balance that tendency to fade into the background would you say clint that across these two parts
in this conversation a central theme is we’re encouraging every number to focus on the stuff
that you don’t want to focus on really is to say bring mindfulness and awareness and thoughtfulness
to the actions and to the thoughts that you have which you have allowed to become that central
narrative and you essentially question them ask if you’re a three to ask do i need to perform for
others for them to be able to love me for the nine do i need to give in to everyone else so
that i can create peace outside myself seven i need to keep having these experiences so i don’t
have to face this fear that is bigger than what i can handle the truth is we’re inviting each and
every number to integrate practices in your life which bring you face to face with by definition
the stuff that you’ve been running from the longest and to recognize that christ is going to meet you
in that moment yeah i think for any of us the path to growth is uphill you know it’s
growth is not easy and and by simply doing the things we’re already good at we’re unlikely to
experience a lot of progress it will take an intentional effort of facing some of those
challenges but that’s the opportunity provided to us to incorporate some new ways to to be better to
be more whole to be more centered more balanced and so yeah the the bad news is probably won’t
be something you want to do the good news is will be something you need to do and you’ll be
better off for doing it so we hope for for everyone in these last two conversations there’s
been something tangible that you take and you think i i could work on that i’d be willing to try
that we will continue some thoughts on the indigram next week with some ideas about
how the indigram can help guide us in some interpersonal relationships and in some other
ways but we want to again thank you for listening in we hope that you’re well we miss you all we
look forward to being back together we’re grateful for this opportunity to to join you and be a part
of this conversation in the meantime but be safe be well be blessed and be a blessing and we will be back again